Love is a Four-Letter Word

" 'Tis better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all...' "

What in the hell was Tennyson thinking when he penned that?

Despite what the greeting card companies tell you, it's not all flowers and overindulgence in chocolates for everyone on Valentine's Day. Those who find themselves left behind by love have plenty of sympathy, since their dilemma is nothing new. Elvis sang for the despondent in "Heartbreak Hotel;" Roy Orbison touched a chord in all who have "loved and lost" when he performed "Only the Lonely;" Frank Sinatra crooned "In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning"...a testament to all who ever lost a night's sleep trying to untangle the confusion caused by love.

Despite the drawbacks, few could argue that on February 14th that "Love" is America's drug of choice...an uncontrolled substance in any amount, on which we all feed and crave. It's that one emotion that defies definition that has spawned countless songs, poems and romance novels...not to mention its fair share of trips to marriage counselor offices.

That little unassuming four-letter word has caused so much trouble (like many other four-lettered words.) People live for it, die for it...some have killed because of it. It's an emotion that can convert even the most hardened cynic. But the clichés of love all ring true. It only takes one stolen glance from across a crowded room to lead one into unchartered romantic territories. And although the trip is often dangerous, still we willingly and eagerly sign up for the journey, hopeful of the destination.

You can't define love, only what it brings about in your life. It's moments together like dining in an Italian restaurant so small that you practically end up eating off the plate of your fellow diner at the table next to your. It's countless spring mornings, snuggling on the couch on a rainy day, making someone their tea, and sharing the Sunday paper (but not before removing the Sports section because you know that she prefers it that way.) It's sharing an intimate meal at one's place, knowing that the best part of the evening will be having her foot in your lap for a massage before it's time for dessert and after the wine is low in your glasses...

Love is remembering those little things that make a relationship special. And for those who find themselves on the "outside" looking "in" on Valentine's Day, it's those memories that all-too-often outlast a relationship long after love leaves. It's those things that we can sometimes never forget.

I meant for this to be an objective column for those who, like me, might not be thrilled with the prospect of observing another Valentine's Day. Instead, it's turned into an open love letter to someone I once loved and lost. But she was many years ago and last I'd heard, she's married with children. Funny that we once shared such intimate moments together and now it's like it was just a dream that never happened.

But remembering what love once was – or hoping for what it might someday once be again – can make you do crazy things like write about these kinds of memories that now only mean one thing to one person (when they once meant something to two people.) The heart and mind don't always work together well when making decisions. But then that's what love's all about. It's irrational and wonderful. Sometimes it goes your way and sometimes not. But it always makes life brighter when it makes one of its unexpected appearances from time to time and turns your life upside down. I'm still hopeful for that.

It just takes opening your heart. Some have and wish they never did. Some haven't and wish they could.

 

Love is a four-letter word. And like some four-letter words it can be nasty, or beautiful.

Perhaps Tennyson was right after all.

 
(C) Martin Walsh 2015